story matters

the story behind the story part I

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Why am I writing this? This is stupid. No one wants to read this. There are so many more important stories than mine. Better written, too. Why should mine matter more than someone else’s? UGH I hate this. I’m deleting everything.

The premise of this newsletter has always been that everyone is a storyteller; from doctors, to early childhood educators, to artists, writers, and historians. Everyone has a story to tell, and everyone’s stories matter, because every life matters. Stories are a way we can make sense of the world, come to understand each other and ourselves, and explore the nuance and messy gray places in the world.

From the beginning, the decision to write and publish my book, this is a love story (coming spring 2023), has been about telling myself things. It’s me putting together a comprehensive narrative of a period of my life, when I struggled with my own and others’ mental health and illnesses, and the friendships that helped me through it. It’s me making sense, or trying to, of all these experiences and relationships. It’s me making sense of growing up. And it’s me telling myself, your story has meaning. It’s not just mess.

Then there’s the decision to create this book, to hire editors and illustrators, and commission friends to write pieces, to spend two years learning, writing newsletters, working with an illustrator, and making connections. It’s me telling myself: you can do this. I am saying to myself, you have the skills and the knowledge to accomplish this. You are so capable. I believe in you.

Publishing by nature involves sharing your work, which is something I have always struggled with. Sharing with friends and family is fairly easy, as they already have a somewhat vested interest in your well-being and success. Sharing with the world is much scarier, as not everyone will like you or your work. And that’s okay. But I’ve also learned over the years that sharing your writing—your personal intimate stories of learning and grappling—can be something that connects people in a way that few other things can. This book is me telling myself, your story has a place in the world. You have a place in the world. Your story can connect with people; it already has.

I made a goal to publish a book after the most difficult year of my life. I had to re-evaluate my priorities and what I thought I wanted. You’ll be able to read more about that period of my life in the actual book, but for the next few months I want to go a bit more in-depth into how this is a love story came to be, into the “story behind the story”, and the many journeys that led to its creation. Next month, I’ll be talking about some of the people that helped me put this project together.

This current journey of storytelling I am on has always been about healing, and all of the values I mentioned above are intertwined with a journey to well-being: believing I matter, that I have a voice, processing change, finding meaning. I am still grappling with a lot of questions, like, what does health and well-being mean in a world with societal structures that feed off our oppression and low self-esteem? What does it mean to rest? What does it mean to tell stories and connect with others? How do I balance art and supporting myself, between what makes me well and whole and what supports my basic needs? What do I want? How do I love myself?

Life journeys don’t have arrivals and it’s been interesting to continue to struggle through the healing journey I began at the beginning of this book project. I have had to continue the practices I have learned throughout the year-and-a-half I have been working on this book. I still have a lot to write about, that’s for sure.

If you are interested in reading some of my writing, I am going to be posting some of my writing for paid subscribers of this newsletter. Substack has an option for paid subscriptions to support artists you admire. (These monthly updates will still be free). If you are interested in supporting my work, it’s only $5 a month to subscribe and any small amount I make from subscriptions will go right back into my writing—paying my illustrator, for submission fees for contests and literary magazines, paying editors, paying for website hosting, etc. (Self-publishing is expensive). I’ll slowly be rolling out more benefits for paid subscribers, but for now every month I’m going to be posting a section of a short fantasy story that I wrote called Goodbye. It’s set on the island of Vieora, a fantastical tropical continent with many magical, dangerous creatures that roam the jungles. The story is about a naïve young academic who has to go out onto the wild lands of Vieora for the first time for a university research project. She’s led by a wild, hairy guide who she’s pretty sure is going to kill her as soon as they get past the wall that separates the “civilized” city from the dangerous jungles beyond. It was inspired by a mentor of mine and that friendship (one of my favourite things to write about).

You can sign up to read the first instalment by clicking the button and choosing the $5/month option:

updates

As for other updates, there’s not much. I’ve just been vacationing, submitting, and writing. I love making connections with other artists, so please reach out if you’d like to connect. Also, if you enjoy this newsletter, or me, or my work, please share it with a friend or someone who you think might enjoy it! I would be eternally grateful.

Take some time to rest and enjoy the sunshine this month.

Happy August!

Alyssa