connection matters
the story behind the story part IV
You should have also received an audio version of this newsletter in your inbox if you’d prefer that! I also finally published the audio version of my previous newsletter, rest matters, which you can click here to listen to. The last part of my four-part short story, Goodbye, is also available now here for as little as $5 a month in support of my writing.
I recently sat down and re-read this is a love story from start to finish in preparation for the final phase, design. This means making sure all the text is complete and in place, so my designer can make it look all pretty and like an actual, real book.
I told Amber (my illustrator and designer) I reread my book and she said, “Oh, no,” and gave me a sympathetic look like my cat just died. (If you’ve written anything in your life, you can probably sympathize with reading and judging your old work.) As much as it did feel cringe-worthy and threw me into a few days of crisis (Why am I publishing this? I can write so much better now! I don’t even like this piece!), after a week I was able to step back and accept it as it was once again.
I wrote this is a love story in spring 2021, and finished writing and revising it by the end of that year. Some of the pieces are various things I’d written throughout young adulthood and university. this is a love story represents a certain point in my life, and also in my writing journey. It’s like a time capsule, and as much as I would write it differently now, I’m still excited to share this piece of my life with you.
It is interesting working on a book about my life for a couple years before release, because in that time I’ve changed so much. I was only at the beginning of my mental health treatment journey when I started this project, and now I’m two years in. I had the pleasant realization while reading this is a love story that some of the things I wrote about, I don’t really struggle with anymore. (Now I struggle with other things). My goals for this project have also changed a bit. The goal of primarily doing this for myself has stayed the same throughout, but the goal that has changed is what I want readers to take away from this story.
When I write something, I always have in the back of my mind, what is the point I am trying to make? What is the message I want to share?
At the beginning of writing this is a love story, it was, we need to talk about mental health. Part of my dedication even speaks to that vision:
also, for everyone who hides to protect themselves
and to everyone who has shown me how freeing it is to live bravely and openly in the light
I still think mental health needs to be talked about. But now I think some guidelines, boundaries, and specifics are needed for that phrase. Like, when and where should we talk about mental health? Who needs to hear about it? What systems and structures should we speak in and to? How can we honour mental health as just important as physical health, while also acknowledging boundaries are a (very necessary) part of that negotiation?
Okay, so my goal isn’t to say just a general “talk about mental health.” Then what is it my goal?
I’ve been thinking about it for weeks now, but I think I know.
Connection matters. That’s it.
The best part of publishing by far is connecting with readers. It’s piercing into someone’s soul and making someone feel known. That’s a huge reason why I read, and a huge reason why I knew about mental illness before I experienced it. And the thing about mental illness is it likes to isolate and make you feel like you are the only one entirely alone in a very, very dark cave.
My friend Tavia summed it up, that I want people to read the pieces in this is a love story and simply go, “Yes, that’s it exactly.” I want readers to know that someone has been there before, got through it, and survived. Someone who knows and understands.
And not only that, but that you need connection. Not just with me as the author, but with other people. There’s a reason I collected pieces about mental health and friendship into one book. This is a message of hope, and the hope is in the relationships. I want to tell those who struggle, or me two years ago, don’t believe your mind. It’s lying. You’re not alone.
updates
This is last of my four-part series of the “story behind the story.” Click on the following links to read the first three parts if you missed them: story matters, friendship matters, rest matters. From here until this is a love story releases in spring, it’ll mostly be book updates, starting with an exclusive cover reveal next month! Yes, Amber and I have started working on the cover!! I already love it. During our first cover meeting, it really hit me for the first time that this is going to be an actual book.
I’ve been writing a bit, and trying to embrace the fact that I just don’t write a lot or very fast, and that’s okay. I’ll go for weeks without writing anything, and then suddenly have four ideas, and the tips of my fingers start getting itchy, aching for a keyboard. Right now, I’m interested in writing about bodies, sexuality and ideas of purity and how those all intersect with, guess what, mental health.
My last interview in the Winnipeg Free Press also came out, with 2021 Canada Reads winner Joshua Whitehead, which you can read here. I love what he says about how “writing comes from community, so it must serve it too.”
Make sure you stay tuned for next month’s newsletter for the cover reveal of this is a love story! Newsletter subscribers will get an exclusive first look, so tell your friends!
Happy November!
Alyssa
